Anyone else feeling tired and overwhelmed? They say it’s ‘quarantine fatigue’ but I’m not so sure…

Is it just me, or have you been feeling fatigued and weighed down by the worries of the world? Are you experiencing days when you wake up and wish that it were already time for bed? Does it feel near impossible to focus on a simple task for work? Are you not able to motivate yourself, let alone all the people that rely on you at work or at home? Or, perhaps even more frustrating, can you not do your job because the person you rely on, simply doesn’t have the energy or direction to do theirs? If only it were already 2021, right? 

Do a quick internet search on ‘quarantine fatigue’ and you will see article upon article discussing our collective feeling of tiredness and how best to beat it. The sheer number of articles, linked articles, nested articles, blogs, tweets etc. on the topic is fatiguing to think of. This tiredness, it’s too much. Coronavirus is too much. Everything feels like too much. ‘God how long can this go on? Can’t you see it’s crippling me, crippling everyone?’ 

Having experienced the physical fatigue that often accompanies Covid-19, the kind of tiredness that keeps you in bed all day as the body aches and the headache feels like it’s teetering on the edge of explosion, what I feel now is something very different. I wonder if what I am feeling is not ‘quarantine fatigue’ but grief. 

Grief, as defined by my Apple Pages writing software, is ‘deep sorrow, especially that caused by someone’s death.’  To define it further: sorrow is ‘a feeling of deep distress caused by a loss, disappointment or other misfortune suffered by oneself or others, and distress is ‘extreme anxiety or pain’.  I do not doubt that I, and much of the globe’s population, as we watch our nations, families, and friends lose loved ones and face unemployment, social unrest and upheaval, we are living through a prolonged period of grief…and, until that elusive vaccine, there is no end in sight. Could the entire world be living through a period of grief? 

For me, my tipping point was the death of George Floyd at the hands of a Police Officer in the United States and the subsequent protests, violence and looting. Then seeing businesses burning that I would frequent in Los Angeles up in flames; it broke me. For I saw the deep scars, pain, hurt, anger, despair, rage, and grief of an entire community of people ripped open and laid bare. The truth can not be denied: we are a broken people living in a broken world. And Coronavirus, our unseen enemy, makes ground every day. Our cries for justice, our grief, is surely heard throughout the universe. For we are ‘exhausted and completely crushed. (our) groans come from an anguished heart. (Psalm 38:8) 

Until today, I have not been able to bring myself to blog. And even now, I still don’t know what to say. I am as lost for words as I am in thought. I have no answers. No solutions. I am but a small voice in an increasingly loud world. What, if anything, could I blog about that might encourage you? That might bring you peace? That might inspire you to read God’s word? That might be an answer, or insight, into an unspoken question you have? How could I possibly think that I could be a little of a light to you when the world that we knew crumbles beneath our feet and nothing seems to make sense? I have been overwhelmed with sadness, with confusion, with grief. It’s not just because of injustice, it’s everything. And I’m going to guess that you feel it too. 

I did make a few attempts to blog. I have been reading about King David and King Saul. I finished the books of Matthew, Mark, Judges, and Joshua, as well as reading most of the Book of Psalms. There’s a lot of topics I could have chosen to blog about but nothing felt appropriate. Personally, I was encouraged by David’s years in the wilderness and, as it touched on a previous post of mine (Is it just me or does isolation feel like a wilderness?), I could have easily written something about it – Specifically that David spent about a decade in the wilderness running for his life even after God (and Samuel the Prophet) had anointed him as the next King of Israel – talk about a long time waiting for an answer to prayer! I found many Psalms of David to be relevant and encouraging (honestly, given his struggles and persecution, his songs and poetry are extraordinary), but I still couldn’t bring myself to write.  

So why today? Why is today so different? Well, I think it’s because I am finally able to recognize, to define, what it is that we are all going through. It’s not fatigue, it’s grief. We’re grieving loss that our generation has not known before. Lost jobs, lost health, lost lives, lost childhood, lost economy, lost connections with family and friends, lost education, lost birthdays, lost weddings, lost funerals, lost church, lost entertainment, lost travel, lost opportunities, and lost freedoms. We’ve also managed to lose faith in the democracies and nations of the world we live in. Nothing is certain. All is unknown. Together we cry out for God’s help and together we can weep and mourn for ‘Morning, noon and night (we) cry out in our distress and the Lord hears (our) voice.’ (Psalm 55:17.) 

So, I’ve cut myself some slack for not being able to blog. For, in periods of grieving, it is better not to say anything and just listen.

Listen and pray. 

Listen to my prayer, O God. Do not ignore my cry for help! Please listen and answer me, for I am ovewhelmed by my troubles.’ (Psalm 55:1-2)

Pray for our world leaders. Pray for God’s presence to be found and known. Pray for revival. Pray for God’s will to be done here as it is in heaven. Pray for healing. Pray for peace. Pray for the families of those who have lost love ones. Pray for those who are sick. Pray for a vaccine….the list goes on. 

God is listening. He is waiting for us to seek him. He wants us to trust him. He desires for us to be in relationship with him so that, and because of, ‘God’s tender mercy, the morning light from heaven is about to break upon us, to give light to those who sit in darkness and in the shadow of death, and to guide us to the path of peace’. (Luke 1:78-79.) 

Surely a God, if there was one, would not allow this Coronavirus to happen. Why doesn’t he put an end to it?

Your kingdom come, your will be done on earth as it is in heaven…

Daily, the global news about COVID-19 gets worse. More infections, more death, more isolations, more panic, and more unemployment. With so much uncertainty, it’s hard not let anxiety grip us. The fear of the unknown is a real threat to the erosion of our society and our very own character.  How could God do this to us? Are we being punished? Why is God so unfair? Why would he want this to happen? Does God care about me, doesn’t he know that I can’t afford a Global meltdown right now? For it sure looks like it is that.  Could you ever have imagined the day that countries would close their borders to tourists, to everyone? Could you ever have imagined seeing an elderly couple standing bewildered in the grocery store wondering what happened to all the toilet paper? Worse, no one wants to give them any of theirs? Where is God in this? 

When Jesus suggested how we should pray, one of his sentiments provides a huge clue as to why any bad thing happens on earth. ‘Your kingdom come, Your will be done on earth as it is heaven’ (Matthew 6:9-13). God’s will then (when humans are involved), is not done on earth.  Most of the Bible is a compilation of stories about how people fail to do what he wants. Right from the beginning of the Bible when Adam and Eve eat the forbidden fruit, and all the way to the end, where in the Book of Revelations it describes people even coming out to fight the Living God in the clouds, people aren’t doing God’s will. Our entire history is lived in the wrong. We do the wrong thing to people and they do the wrong thing to us because in God’s good creation (his words), he gave us the one thing that has the potential to be a blessing to the planet and his people or to be a curse to it; God gave us free will.  (And then he had a book written to show us many examples of how it hasn’t been used wisely.) 

God didn’t create COVID-19, humans did! By circumstance or design, it doesn’t really matter for the sake of this argument, human interaction and international travel means that we now have a global pandemic that threatens all of us. Could God make this virus go away tomorrow? Heck, yes! But when God willed Christ to come to earth and suffer horrendously while he was here for the purpose of our salvation by God’s grace, he also made a man perfect in his eyes. Christ embodied the perfect will and character of God and in doing so he provided the example of person, of character that we should be. God could take this virus away immediately however, when he’s asked to clean up our human messes, he also provides an opportunity for us to grow in him. God’s more interested in how we react, in how we decide to trust him, and in how we set about serving others, than simply providing a quick fix. Why would God allow such pain and misery, how could he be so cruel just to ‘test us’? 

The greatest example and testimony of God’s will being done on earth is in the death and resurrection of his son, Jesus. This event changed, for the good, the entire course of history! One practical and very relevant example of this is in the early christian’s decision to exercise Christ’s command to ‘love one another’. In the great (flu-like) plague of Rome (250-270AD), it was the christians who went to the sick, feeding, housing and nursing them, knowing full well they were risking their own lives. But still they went: God cares for all lives. This action led to many, many converts and paved the way for the idea of the hospital. (If you want to read more about that, read Rodney Starks, The Triumph of Christianity) 

God never made the promise that you, or anyone else on the entire planet, would live a a problem free existence. In fact his word says the opposite. It states that you will have trials in life, that you will suffer heartbreak but the good news is that God promises he will bring good out of all things to those people that love him. Not everyone, but to those who love and trust him (Romans 8:28). God didn’t will this Coronavirus to happen but he knew it would. He also knows how he is going to help you through it. For it is in our grief and dark moments that God’s grace and promises can be made known. I think that when most people cry out and seek God is when they are in trouble, rather than when they are happy and content. Focus then on what God considers to be good and noble, not on what social media or the news says. Seek him first and all these things (peace and understanding) will be given to you. This is what he promises. This is the good news we need to be reading everyday.

As the world panics around us, may we as Christians be steadfast, loving and generous. What then, could come from our choices to shine our lights and be the love that Christ and God wills for us? God is with us, now and tomorrow as we walk through the valley of the shadow of death.  Because,  that’s what this is. As the world cries out in grief and mourning, may we seek him and may he be found by us. Then, through our tears and confusion we will feel his guiding peace and love. That’s what he wills for us, to know him and trust him daily. 

I am well aware that this is a brief discussion about a vast topic of God’s sovereignty that gives cause and reason for our human identity and condition, however, my purpose here is to encourage and inspire you to think more of it. God loves questions and is not at all afraid of your anger or your doubts. It’s better to doubt than not to think about things at all.